Corrupting transparency

How easy was it, for you, to use your personal trauma to attract attention, to project a side of you that seems to care about someone else than yourself, that seems to hurt ? Did you try also to shed a tear to finish selling this make-believe vulnerability ? You learnt by then that showing emotions, sharing that you are in pain could help you connect with another human being, awake his compassion, peak his curiosity, raise his interest and because you value adoration above all else, you used this almost-sacred tool to seduce, to manipulate instead of letting go of all pretence and revealing your true self. It is much harder to use it to lay your heart bare, at the mercy of the person in front of you, at the risk of being mocked, of being judged. I knew then that you would never be able to truly bond with anyone as you saw in transparency a way to trick the compassion of the people around you and never for what it really is: a way to say “How could I hurt you when I reveal myself to you; weaknesses and dreams, shame and strength alike ? You are safe with me because I’ve shown you my true and fragile self.”

MG